November has been a month filled with transition. Constant motion but not too overwhelming like October previously was for me. I’m thoroughly enjoying November, except for the time change.. but what can ya do? My friend developed some of her film that we took in late summer and sent these over to me. These photos are wild because I remember going to Echo Park Rising this day and feeling extremely ugly. I didn’t want to leave my apartment because of how bad I felt about myself. It was one of those days.. but I decided to go to the festival regardless to make memories and get outside of my head. In August, I wasn’t very interested in makeup as much as I normally am. Being natural and experiencing life through that lens on a day to day basis helps keep me grounded with my raw self. There are periods of my life where I don’t wear fake hair, wear makeup, or add anything extra to my physical appearance because I simply don’t want to. I love creating and wearing different styles in clothing and makeup because its fun and expressive! However, I also think its important to take breaks from things like that. They aren’t the most important aspects of life although extremely fun!
Getting to my point, whenever I looked at these photos I realized how stupid my feelings were about feeling ugly. I cried when I saw these photos because all I could see was wasted potential in myself. Since these are on film with no edits, the realization was heart hitting. I let go of a dream because I doubted my natural beauty. My natural self is my most beautiful look and it took me awhile to embrace that! I moved to California to pursue modeling but let fear drive me into the ground. My headshots were never sent into agencies because of a variety of different reasons I made up out of fear. I’m a very confident person normally but we all have our days where we don’t like something about ourselves. Looking at these photos inspired me to want to try modeling again. You never know until you try! So, I’m gonna face my fear. I’ve got nothin to lose.
The two girls in the photos are Ashlee & Angela. These two are always there to listen & support me. I’m extremely happy the universe brought us together.
P.P.S If you’re running from fear, face it.
Until Next Time,